Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
