i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
