WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
