Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
