i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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