pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
