Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
