Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
