The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
