whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
