She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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