I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
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You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
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Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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