Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
