How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
