I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
