What did we do last night that was yellow?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
