Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
