Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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