So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
