the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
