If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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