How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
