it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
