All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
