the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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