I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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