You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize