I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
