And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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