all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It was a blind-side dick pic.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
