to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
