The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
