My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
