try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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