her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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