dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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