So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
