saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
