FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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