No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
