piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,