Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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