No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
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Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
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Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.