if you like me you must not know who I am
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.