Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now