just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
