Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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