Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
