is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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