I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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