Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
