alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
