I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
