and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
