Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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