This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
