1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
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I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
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These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.