Texts From Last Night

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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.

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  (514): Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"? (1-514): Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan. http://tfl.nu/v19o
  Replies (5) Good night (2561) Bad night (418)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house

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  (973): i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house http://tfl.nu/qme2
  Replies (11) Good night (12237) Bad night (831)
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  (650): View more from California

  I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

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  (650): I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/l4fs
  Replies (46) Good night (9456) Bad night (2040)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Have you been tested recently?

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune

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  (520): Have you been tested recently? (1-520): Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune http://tfl.nu/i2uj
  Replies (16) Good night (1309) Bad night (7339)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother

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  (816): All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother http://tfl.nu/4v9d
  Replies (11) Good night (2074) Bad night (2868)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?

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  (512): Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning? http://tfl.nu/pcyg
  Replies (4) Good night (1352) Bad night (546)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants

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  (518): I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants http://tfl.nu/tuxk
  Replies (8) Good night (608) Bad night (1249)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.

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  (717): Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself. http://tfl.nu/4nxp
  Replies (10) Good night (2089) Bad night (751)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.

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  (512): I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air. http://tfl.nu/cigy
  Replies (8) Good night (1930) Bad night (502)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic

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  (269): Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic http://tfl.nu/ri8o
  Replies (10) Good night (661) Bad night (273)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.

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  (613): I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going. http://tfl.nu/0q0d
  Replies (1) Good night (593) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk

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  (850): He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really. (412): And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk http://tfl.nu/08bn
  Replies (7) Good night (1632) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool

  (1-507): View more from Minnesota

  In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.

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  (507): I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool (1-507): In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking. http://tfl.nu/611z
  Replies (4) Good night (624) Bad night (278)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.

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  (908): I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now. http://tfl.nu/22x0
  Replies (1) Good night (640) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore

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  (410): Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore http://tfl.nu/vhu2
  Replies (2) Good night (256) Bad night (402)

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