I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ketchup is God's man juice
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?