genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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