It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.