3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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