You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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