he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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