I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
