woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.