True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
