so that wasnt chicken after all
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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