All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
