Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
