If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
