your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
