She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
