got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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