The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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