I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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