Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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