that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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