the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize