i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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