i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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