i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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