Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
